being content.

My life's lesson at the moment is in being content. A contentedness that comes hand-in-hand with happiness - the two traveling together and completing each other. Being happy and being content with my circumstances. Usually I have no issue with where my life stands - we all have our days, our weeks, even months or years where we are wondering if we are in the right relationship, job, house, city, life. Most of us brush those thoughts aside, knowing that we should accept our circumstances and just keep plugging away. There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that you are where you are supposed to be, in the place (both emotionally and physically) that you are supposed to be. I do acknowledge that God created us to be ever changing, ever-learning, growing, and making ourselves and the world a bit better. But there is a place in our lives for contentment too. A place where we are happy with our situation, happy with how our lives are going, knowing that "all is well". That peace that comes with contentment is something that I yearn for...

Chad did not get the job with the city fire department that he was hoping to get. After narrowing the field of applicants from around 800 to about 50, the physical fitness test that was two weeks ago was to narrow the field to the fill the 26 spots in November's fire academy. I know that Chad did well on the physical fitness part - how could he not, the man is training for a marathon?!? - and I am sure he passed all the other parts of the application process with flying colors but as it stands, there were at least 26 other people that did it better. And that is a frustrating and demoralizing idea. This has been an 11 and a half month process, from beginning to end. Chad has taken about 6 days off work, using his sick leave up pretty much, in an attempt to get employment that he both enjoys more and one that he felt would provide for our family better. A lot of things in our lives pretty much hinged on him getting this job - the biggest one was deciding to buy a house. That one will be put on hold now for an unknown amount of time...I have really mixed emotions about him getting the job anyway. I fully supported him from beginning to end but I will admit to visions of sleepless nights and worry filled days when I knew he was working. In all of this, I have to remind myself that we are not living trying to make God's plan fit into our lives. Instead, we are living God's plan all along. There is obviously some reason why the two of us are still at the jobs we are at. There is some reason why we will still be living where we are living and doing what we are doing. The goal now is to find that peaceful contentment in our current lives, not the lives we thought we wanted.

I am a little sad and frustrated about the house situation. I had been dreaming big dreams and plotting and planning and imagining what it would look like. The porch with a swing, the paint colors, and garden planted out back - I have thought of it all! I have to remind myself to be content with my current life. I have to remind myself to love my current life, to be happy in my current life. We are so blessed - with good friends, a wonderful place to live, jobs that pay enough for us to have plenty, give plenty, and save plenty, and families that love us to pieces.
Isn't it OK that we are living our version of our dreams?
Why do people think it is OK to ask us when we will buy a house/have a baby/do all the things the "American dream" expects of us?

Why, then, is it so hard to find contentment in this wonderful life that I have?