life changing.

Theodore Roosevelt is often quoted as saying "Comparison is the thief of joy". I don't know if he actually did because - well - I wasn't there but I get it. I really get it. I try hard to look at my life and be happy - and I usually am. I recognize my blessings - a job I love, a beautiful home with plenty of space for more people, a husband who loves me and serves me and puts "us" first, family and friends that care about me and are too numerous to count. I could go on and on. But there are those moments of doubt. The unhealthy, stealthy, slimy thoughts that bring on comparison: if I was thinner, as pretty as her, if we had kids and could afford for me to stay at home, if we had more money, more stuff, vacations when we wanted to...more, more, more...different, different, different.


And then a friend at work said something that changed everything.


"I'm jealous of your life."


I was shocked speechless. I even laughed it off next. We joked about how she even wants a husband like mine except for the turns-off-the-air-conditioner-whenever-he-can-to-save-money part.


Then I laid in bed and thought about it for hours.


Someone - who is beautiful, funny, smart, dedicated, passionate, with a smile the can light up a room, full of life, surrounded by people who love her - noticed MY life. I'm not faulting her for looking at me and being jealous, falling prey to the thief of joy. Please hear me clearly here.
I am using her words to call out my blindness.
Am I'm too busy looking at everyone else's life that I forgot to love my own?


My life.
She is jealous of my life.
Doesn't she know about the extra pounds and the dirty dishes and the dog hair tumbling down the hall? Did she not notice the unending To Do list and the bills that need to be paid and the half finished projects and the mess that is in my closet and in my heart?
But she saw something I haven't seen in a while.
My life - loved.


And then another thought:
Was it me? Could I have done something to make her see that I see my life as worth loving? What an unimaginable dream. Could I have built a life so full of love and beauty and surrounded myself with people who are passionate, caring, and loving, and been so loud about my happiness that she saw something in me that I didn't even see? Oh Jesus, please let this be the case.


Don't be like me. Don't let comparison thief away the beauty, the pleasures, the blessings - all meant for you. Don't let the feeds, the boards, the wanna-be-like-anyone-but-me's steal away your life. Live a life that YOU are jealous of; fill your days, your minutes, your seconds with a love of YOUR OWN LIFE.


I'll get to see her in a day or so and I can't wait to hug her. I want to thank her for helping me make a promise to myself that I will not let the beauty in someone else's life diminish the beauty in mine.